Late Night Rambling

Hello insomniacs and fight fans.  As promised in my abbreviated blog post yesterday, here's my special edition of Strikeforce Challengers Week in Rage.  I guarantee nothing as this progresses, I honestly just hope that i can actually maintain both activities without completely neglecting something.

As the program kicks off, I am greeted by what will probably be the most offensive thing I will see all night, Mauro Ranallo.

where's standards and practices when you need them?

He's a very knowledgeable announcer, but the problem is, well first of all look at him.  Second of all, he is the undisputed king of puns, and I don't mean that in a good way.  I'll try to keep you in the loop of them so you can feel my pain. He's joined by fighting legend Pat Miletich.

as with most fighters, he kinda looks like a douche.

The first fight of the night features a kid whose nickname is The Pretzel.  That's officially the least intimidating nickname ever.  Hey by the way, one of the vendors at work sponsored a movie night tonight and I got to see the new Harry Potter movie on opening night for free.  Pretty sweet right?  the only problem is that the whole damn movie is basically a giant tease for what's going to be in part 2.

This was the most exciting sequence in the movie

They did a pretty good job of keeping the story moving considering this is all table setting.  If you are a newby to the Potterverse, don't bother.  You have to have a base knowledge going in or you will be hopelessly lost like a snitch on the quidditch field during a rain storm while someone casts a spell of occlusion.  Am I right?

And we're under way!  The cool thing about the Challenger series is that since the people fighting are unknown and trying to climb the ranks you get people going all out.  Except in this fight.  These guys are starting slow.  Lots of clinching and Greco Roman style pushing with very few strikes.  While we wait for the action to really pick up, can I just talk about Fox Sports?  That's a channel that acts like it wants to steal market share from ESPN by showing local sports and news that's pertinent to the region you are viewing from.  The problem is that I live in Phoenix and we have several major professional and college teams to choose from, but when I got home tonight they were showing Northern Arizona University playing Southwest College.  I didn't know either of those schools even had a basketball team, and now that I do, I'm pretty sure they're both Division 2 teams.  Did the Suns really not play tonight?

Go lumberjacks I guess

Anyway, the fight hits the ground and the guy not nicknamed the pretzel moves to north-south position and swings around for a d'arce choke.  Pretty sweet submission.

Time for a chick fight! Former Marine Liz Carmouche fighting for team Hurricane Awesome (best fight team name ever) vs. Jan Finney fighting out of, I swear I'm not making this up, Beaver Creek MMA.  You know, I love watching the women fight.  When they know what they're doing they are usually way more exciting than most other fighters because they just move forward and try to destroy the other girl.  I think a lot of it is because women have only been sanctioned to fight for a few years so the experience level is a little lower and there's a lot of excitement, just like in the early days of mens MMA.  So far, as if to contradict everything I just said, the women come out and are so far having a very technical kickboxing match.  Lots of leg kicks, Thai teep kicks, and feeling out jabs.  Great side hip toss by the former Marine.  Nice judo technique that landed her in the guard on the ground but the other girl is moving legs up trying to work a triangle choke.  Now the Marine POWERBOMBS the other girl to get out of the submission attempt and in a stunning reversal the non-Marine ends up in side control on the scramble.  Wow.  These ladies are much much better than the last fight.  Way to defy expectations ladies.  I appreciate it.

End of round one, I have this dead freaking even 10-10.  This is fun.  I don't know if anyone else will like this.  probably not.  Hey lets see what google has to say about "girl fight"

trust me these girls are better than this

So right into round 2, the Marine comes out with a flying kick and a take down and is trying to ground and pound her way to victory.  So far she is quagmired in the guard, not doing much damage.  Non Marine is really trying to work an octopus guard, but the marine stands up and is trying to work axe kicks and not let the other girl up.  Now they're back on the feet.  Wow, this fight is flying.  The Marine is looking for another judo throw.  oooh nice combo by the marine.  And again!  Really solid technique from both ladies, but now I have this fight 20-19 for The Marine at the end of 2.

Third round, pretty close fight so far.  I kinda want to address how weird and funny it is uh-oh, the Marine just got a rear mount on the other girl and is whaling on her.  Looks like this is really close to ending, AND IT'S ALL OVER!

Mauro just said she's fly like a G6.  What a douche.

Apparently she's a discontinued car

As I was saying, it's weird and funny how they have these insanely talented and strong women fighting their asses off in the ring while there are round card girls prancing around in bikinis.  It's a weird dichotomy that really shows how far women have come, and yet how far they have to go.  I don't want to get too deep into this, so I'll ask for comments.  I'm not sure what this says, what do you think it says about us as a culture?  Is it a good thing, showing that women don't have to conform to one single standard of beauty?  or is it just demonstrating how shallow we really are?

OOOHHH, this is one I've been looking for.  Waachim Spiritwolf vs. Marius Zaromskis.  I spelled both of those correctly.  These dudes love to throw lots of huge punches and try to take the other guy's head off.  Clearly Spiritwolf is a Native American, but he's also slightly retarded.  He doesn't wrap his hands underneath his gloves.  He says handwraps cause broken hands.  At least we know he's not going to be like Antonio Margarito and have plaster of Paris in his wraps.  That guys a chode.  He broke a training partner's orbital in sparring, so the way I see it having Manny Pacquiao break his orbital in the fight is just karma.

Right off the bat, Zaromskis pokes Spiritwolf right in the fucking eye.  It's a bad one.  He's actually bleeding because of a bad decision.  This sucks.  We're waiting for the ref to restart the fight, but regardless of the outcome it's going to have been a factor and that sucks.  God damn it.  He just told the doctor that he can't see and they waived off the fight.  Figures, one of the highlights for me gets wiped out on the first attack by an accidental illegal move.  What really sucks is that for both guys this was the culmination of weeks of training camp.  On top of that, there's no chance for either of these guys to get their win money on a draw, so that's money out of pocket for these dudes.  That sucks.

Moving right along, College football is sure picking up, right?  I didn't address this in my last football mention, but fuck the BCS.  How can they consistently overlook Boise State and TCU, especially in light of all the shenannigans Cam Newton was up to before he signed with Auburn?  I even like Auburn.  My grandma was an alum, and Charles Barkley was my favorite basketball player, but all things considered, you have to dock something from them if anything is found in the investigations.

God Bless you, Google image search

We're ready for the next fight.  Hopefully this one lasts longer than 6 seconds.  We've got Ovince Saint Preux vs. Antwain Britt.  Only St. Preux has an excuse for having an oddly spelled name, he's Haitian.  Britt is a knockout artist, and I know nothing about St. Preux.  So far lots of feeling out.  DAMN IT! ANOTHER FINGER IN THE EYE!

not quite this bad, but it still sucks

The good news is he's ready to fight.  The Haitian is the one who fouled and he's landing better than Britt right now.  I'm calling him the Haitian because it's easier to spell without looking.  Multitasking is hard.  The Haitian has super long arms.  y'know, i can't help but notice... uh-oh, the Haitian is destroying Britt.  He's on his back and trying to drop bombs.  Britt is doing pretty good defending, but now he's getting back mounted and the Haitian is looking for a leg submission but there's only 5 seconds left.  And that's the end of the round.  I definitely have that one 10-9 for St. Preux.

I was gonna say that Strikeforce always has the same ads on the mats.  It's good that they have consistency with their sponsors, but it sucks that they can't get anyone new.

Britt is shooting hard for a takedown and gets him on the ground and in half guard.  The Haitian went for a switch and ended up getting a stand up, but Britt is still trying to drive him into the ground and gets a takedown. Mauro just said he had it for OSP yeah you know me.  What a bastard.

Britt is controlling the ground from half guard

Like this but punchier

straight working the ground and pound.  The Haitian looks gassed.  I gotta tell you I'm loving this.  I think this is the worst blog post ever, but at the same time I may be having more fun writing it than ever. Thanks for indulging me and don't quit on me just because this is so MMA heavy.  It won't always be like this. That round was so dominated by Britt that I barely had to talk about it.  19-19 after the second.

The best thing about weighing 155lbs and not drinking during the week?  I've had 2 beers and I'm as loose as a cooked noodle.  Wait.  That doesn't even make sense.  Anywho, it's round 3 bitches!  Go time.  Britt goes for a single leg take down, moving to a double, but the Haitian forces him around and get a double of his own.  Very nice exchange.  Now the Haitian is in a full mount.  He's not doing anything, but there he is.  Oh just a reminder, I don't proofread after i'm done, so keep any mistakes to yourself.  The only thing I do before you read this is run a spell check.  Somehow, Britt got back to a full guard and is winning the round boringly.  Yawn.  Nothing happening, only a minute left.  Britt needs to move if he wants to win.  Finally the ref stands it up. 45 secs left.  Boo, the Haitian stuffs a take down and Mauro quotes Yogi Berra.  Shut up already Mauro.  You know your shit, but you need to stop trying to be funny.

Anyway, I score this 29-28 for the Haitian.  And I was right.  Winner by unanimous decision.  Even the microphone gods are trying to shut Mauro up.  He was trying to interview the winner and the mic just said "no".

Time for the MAIN EVENT of the EVENING! 3 rounds in the Strikeforce Lightweight division.  Introducing first, fighting out of San Jose, California.  Weighing in at 155 lbs, Justin "the Silverback" Wilcox!  And now making his way to the ring, fighting out of New York, New York.  Weighing in at 155 lbs, Vitor "Shaolin" Ribeiro!  Smart money on Ribeiro, even though it's his first fight in a while.  He has a ton of experience and Strikeforce wants to show off their big signing in this fight.  It doesn't always work out that way, but I wouldn't bet against him.

Wow, they just showed a crowd shot and it was like 2/3 empty.  Strikeforce cannot be happy about that.
So, pretty much just 2 minutes of feeling out.  Kinda disappointed.  Ribeiro is taking some really lazy shots.  Still nothing with 2 minutes left.  Wilcox is picking some shots, but nothing great.  1 Minute left.  finally a nice shot by Wilcox.  I gotta give that first round to Wilcox 10-9, but man what a boring round.

Round 2, more feeling out.  Ribeiro is doing a decent job counter punching right now, but still not doing any damage.  More lazy shots by Ribeiro.  The real problem is Wilcox is a wrestler.  A lazy shot won't take him down.  Sweet Jesus.  This is the problem... uh-oh, Wilcox just rocked Ribeiro and now they're back to circling.  That was exciting for about 5 seconds.  Meh.  20-18 Wilcox in a snoozer so far.  Let's hope someone turns it up in the 3rd.

Round 3, let's hope for something good.  I'm feeling bad because I might be boring you, but hey, I'm bored too.  More lazy shots for Ribeiro and picking shots from Wilcox.  I'm really disappointed by Ribeiro so far.  He's not really doing anything but taking lazy shots and flicking a jab every now and then.  Wilcox is still putting a little more together and winning the fight.

yeah, me too

Stupid overhyped main events.  1 minute left and I've been looking for good pics of yawns for a while.  Didn't miss much.  OVER I score that 30-YAWN for YAWN.

Sorry about the lame last fight.  That can happen when you're watching fights with some 2nd tier guys.  I was thoroughly impressed by the ladies fight and thoroughly disappointed by Shaolin.  Thanks for tuning in, have a great evening and until next time, keep watching the skis