Happy Movember!

Please allow me to explain the trainwreck that is my face in the above picture.  If you are unfamiliar with basic human anatomy, the males (and some females) of the human species have the ability to grow facial hair.  Throughout history, this hair has served many functions.  Everything from insulation, to indicating sexual maturity and virility have been conveyed via facial hair.  As time and the basic course of human evolution have progressed, and created opportunities for man to expand his dominion over his physical environment unbridled, unruly facial hair came to represent an uncouth element in human society.  Further, the upper echelon of society used well groomed facial hair as an indicator of rank within their society.  The epitome of this, of course, is the Mustache.  As the razor made it's way from the tool of the aristocracy to demonstrate their wealth and entitlement to everyone, into the hands of the proletariat, the mustache gained even more popular appeal, culminating in the glorious manitude of the 1970's before finally falling out of favor late in the 80's with the cancellation of Magnum P.I.

Just look at that magnificent bastard

Long story short, the mustache represents all that is man.  It has been grossly abused, most notably by hipster douches who have marginalized the glory of the mustache into an internet meme.

Pictured: a man with no self respect.

The mustache is a uniquely (mostly) male thing that not only separates us from most of the fairer sex, but also separates us from our monkey cousins.  They don't have the means or desire to shave their hairy faces and try to improve their dominion over nature.

At least, not yet.

And this is why Movember is so important.  If you haven't figured it out yet, Movember means you grow a mustache in the month of November.  Get it?  I admit, it sounds like an atrociously hipsterish pursuit, merely being done ironically as a way to mock the glory of man.  In reality, it's a charitable call to action putting an awesome mustache on the face of men's health.  Those of you who know me personally know I am totally in favor of sweet facial hair as long as it's done right.  I even rocked a goatee for several years, making myself look like a badass Conquistador.  The fact that I have an excuse to grow a horrible mustache and write off the awkward "growing in" phase as something I'm doing for charity is awesome.

Pictured: The most badass philanthropist ever

For those of you too lazy to read the link up there, Movember is a charity that is dedicated to raising money to help fight prostate cancer.  The mustache is merely a show of solidarity for those who have or know someone who has this terrible disease.  Men are known for not going to the doctor, and the prostate exam has become a running gag on TV and by stand up comedians, but 32,000 men will die this year as a direct result of prostate cancer.

Stop giggling, this shit's important.

I know this post is more serious than usual, but goddammit, this is something all men need realize is no fucking joke.  They say that everyone knows someone who has been affected by breast cancer, and that's for damn sure.  What people tend to forget is that our junk needs to be researched too.

Alright damn it, this shit's scary.  Women, stop laughing. 

So this month, in honor of Movember, grow a mustache, get checked, and make sure you donate to the cause.  If I actually start getting donations on my Movember page, I'll keep you all posted on the progress of my (currently pathetic) awesome stache, including pictures and a fullness report giving you an idea of just how sweet my new lip warmer is.  If I really get a lot of donations, I'll go full on Ambrose Burnside.

If you don't know, now you know.

Once again, http://us.movember.com/mospace/1020992/  click it and help end stupid douchebag prostate cancer. 

Pictured: Cancer