I've got your blog right here

I hate to turn this exercise in vanity in to an even more self serving documentary of my recent running exploits, but I ran a 5k today, so let the self serve begin!

They have my favorite, ME!

Today was the Skirt Chaser 5k in Tempe, and I have to say it was a pretty damn well executed race.  The concept is pretty simple: women start the race 3 minutes before the men and run an out and back 5k course.  At the end, there's beer.  It should be fairly easy to see the appeal of this race.

Drink tickets are my main motivator. 

There are even more benefits if you're single.  You can slap a sticker on your butt saying you're looking for a like minded individual to share in your profound dehydration.  It gets even better if you're a single dude.  According to the MC of the race, there were something in the neighborhood of a 2:1 ratio of ladies to men.  As a married man, all that meant to me was that there were a crapload of people between me and my reward.  I've only done one other 5k in all the races I've done, but this one definitely had a party atmosphere.  There was a ton of people and one of the best local breweries providing libations, in addition to Chipotle providing food as one of the title sponsors.  All I can say is God bless the good people at Chipotle and the work that they do.

Foil has never been more appealing

Anyway, in the eloquent words of my friend Jaime, it was like Halloween, the girls used it as an excuse to dress like whores.  Not all of them, but there were a good amount dressed more for the evening than the day.  Not that I blame them, it was hotter than balls today.  Seriously, if you were to take a measurement of average ball temperature and compare it to today, the temperature today would be equal to or greater than said average ball temperature.  I tell you it was hot, (how hot was it?) It was so hot I saw a squirrel cooling his nuts in the lake.

HIYO

So anyway, my usual run is about 5k as it is, so I didn't really do any additional training for this race.  I knew I had the distance nailed down, so I was just going to pace.  It worked pretty well except for the damn heat.  Also the crowd.  I'm not claiming to be super fast or anything, but I'm fast enough that I felt like I got caught behind a ton of people, particularly at the beginning when we were leaving the start line I somehow got caught behind a couple dudes pushing strollers.  Much respect for trying to stay active when you're a dad and shit, but I was there to run, not chat.  Anyhoo, after the race there was a pretty damn good cover band.  I don't usually give any dap to cover bands because they are just playing someone else's work, but this one played a bunch of songs while I was there and they managed to sound like everyone from vintage U2 to Fallout Boy to The Strokes.  They even sounded like Sublime.  That's a pretty solid set.

I don't know how this happened, but I managed to turn this into a goddamn race review.  I'd call this a digression, but I didn't have anything to digress from.  Oh well.  Anyway, I showered already, but I still smell like sunscreen.  That's one thing that I'm still not sure how I feel about.  I have to wear sunscreen a lot because, you know, fuck cancer, but I don't like smelling like it all the time.  The worst is after a hard workout outside when you have a nice, rank sweat going.  Nothing says "I just worked out" like a crotch that smells like Juarez, unless you pair that with some SPF 35.

Pictured:  my crotch after a workout

It's one of those weird things where all sunscreens smell like perfume, but not really.  I think they're probably trying to hide the smell of all the chemicals, but guess what?  You just end up with horrible, horrible chemically perfume.  The best thing about sunscreen is that when you're done with the day, you feel dirtier than ever.  It's almost like it traps the sweat against you AND gives you the added benefit of letting every single particle of dirt that blows your direction stick to you and make you feel like a fine grit piece of sandpaper.  It's pretty gross, but you know what's even grosser?  Melanoma.  Yeah, it's cancer again.  You know why?  Cancer is a fucker.  I just realized that seems to be a recurring thing in this blog.  I suppose this is NOT the place to come if you are a fan of cancer.  I'm sorry, but hating cancer is something I'm not going to apologize for.  Wait...

Happy early Groundhog Day

Hello Internet. I'm sure you feel neglected, what with me not filling you with incoherent ramblings in the middle of the night. Don't take it personally. Sure, you've gained some weight over the holidays with all the abundant and rich foods, but that doesn't make you any less sexy. Well... Maybe a little. I mean, fitness is important, and not just for your appearance. It's important for your health. I'd hate to see you get diabetes or something. You know fitness is important to me, Iran a half marathon two weeks ago for Christ sake. Yeah, it's hard to find time to get the work in, but you have to make the time and knock out excuses.

The Internet, post christmas.



Holy crap,I don't know what that was all about. I think it's fair to say it's been a little while since I wrote anything on here, but you know what? It's not like I get paid for this shit. Although, if you know of anyone looking to get they're name out there I'm happy to shill for just about anyone. Club baby seals? Who am I to judge? I hear those guys are fuckers and if you pay me I'll tell you exactly why.

I mean look at that thing up there. You know what that face says? Stone cold murderer. My point is that expectations for this thing should be nil. It's free entertainment for you, and weekend homework for me. So welcome back dear readers, I missed you too.

You know what's been pissing me off for a couple weeks? Oatmeal. Who the shit decided that oatmeal was a good thing to eat? It looks and feels just like it tastes, gray. I'm pretty sure someone with too much time on they're hands was in the barn watching their horses eat and, because they hated themselves, said "I think I'm going to try eating anything this giant smelly bastard crams in it's long, stupid face." And after realizing raw oats suck the moisture out of your body faster than Jenna Jameson, decided to try boiling the shit out of them.

The leading cause of dehydration. Also, hard to find a picture of her with a shirt on.


so, the problem with oatmeal is really, that it serves a purpose. In spite of how much I hate it, I eat the damn wallpaper paste nearly weekly. Why do I torture myself like that guy in The DaVinci Code?

Because it works. I try to think of it as fuel. Oatmeal is like high octane racing fuel, and a delicious plate of bacon is like leaded gasoline. Sure, you can put either in your car, but one will gum up the works and eventually ruin your engine, but the other will help you run cleaner and improve your fuel economy. That's what really posses me off the most. As much as I hate it, I've had a god awful symbiotic relationship with it for over ten years. I blame my mom for cooking it for me my senior year when I was playing football. The first game of the season she made me oatmeal before the game and I played great. I kept up the tortuous routine the rest of the season and ended up making all district. I'm not saying it was the oatmeal, but athletics tend to be superstitious, and I bought into it that season. I'm pretty sure I have mentioned my depressing slowness in this self indulgent tripe in the past, but if I haven't, the below picture is a good idea of how slow I have always been

In spite of the fact that you could have timed my 40 yard dash with a calendar, I took up running a few years ago, and after my wife ran a half marathon, I decided I would too. My good friend Jaime helped me train and kept me eating the bane of my existence, and as a result, I posted a 1:42:52 in my first half marathon. Obviously, all the training is what put me in the position to make that happen but he oatmeal is what gave me the fuel. Remember the end of Back to the Future 3 when they use the special logs to make the train go fast? It's kind of like that only it tastes like crap. The moral of the story is fuck oatmeal, unless you have a race or game that day.

Ho ho holy shit! It's almost Christmas!

A Christmas limerick:

There was a man who lived with elves
and he kept them on tiny shelves
He worked them like dogs,
but they sang happy songs,
cuz they all could fellate themselves.

Wow, that's a pretty gross limerick.  I guess that's what happens when you watch Ricky Gervais while you try to come up with something clever to type.

He grew a goatee so he wouldn't look so much like a lesbian.

Damn your sharp british wit.  On the other hand, they did give us the best under heard Christmas song this side of the pond.  My part-time limey friend assures me the below awesomely creepy video represents a true English seasonal classic.  Please enjoy and remember that they might have better comedians and musicians a lot of the time, but we kicked their asses in the Revolution and bailed them out in 2 world wars.

So I guess we can consider this my pre-Christmas blog entry.  I don't have a particular agenda, I suppose I'm just kinda killing time before my Christmas break.  Let's talk a little bit about that for a minute, shall we?  I live in Phoenix, and I've gotta just rub that in for a while.

Do you know how warm it was today, December 18th?  Well over 70 degrees.  I wore shorts today.  I ran outside.  Fan-fucking-tastic.  I love winters here, especially when you hear about the Metrodome in Minnesota having it's roof collapse due to the excessive weight of this "snow" they keep talking about.

Google says this is "snow", what a weird name for a tree.

I'm busy worrying about staying hydrated and making sure I have sunscreen.  Next week I will have exactly Jack Rabbit Crap to do at work.  I'm reliant on my clients to have anything to do and most of my clients are taking all week off.  I predict a lot of watching youtube videos and reading articles online.  Ahh, that's good productivity.  The good news is that I will have a half day on Thursday and I'm off all day Friday.  Pretty sure I'm gonna watch tv and sleep till my brain leaks out my ears.  The most difficult decision I forsee next week is figuring out what the hell I'm going to do for lunch.  I've gotta tell you, I'm pretty fed up with fast food.  First of all, if you've ever read Fast Food Nation you'll never want to eat a fast food burger again.  Secondly, it's kinda gross even when it's pretty good.  Greasy as hell, amazingly unhealthy and usually just overall disappointing.  I don't expect gourmet food when I go to lunch, but dammit how many burgers can you eat?  And when I take my lunch, I tend to get tired of it sooner than later.  What the hell does this have to do with Christmas?  I don't know.  I've gotta tell you, I'm pretty tuned out right now.

Oh, here's a minor holiday miracle.  My buddy in Texas sent me some candy for Christmas.  He meant to send me a small sampler of gourmet chocolate bars and the company accidentally sent me $150 of gourmet fancy ass truffles that come in all sorts of crazy ass flavors.  I even did the responsible thing and called the company to let them know.  They basically said "our bad" and I got to keep everything and my buddy didn't get charged.  Sweet, right?

Mmmm, expensive chocolate

And another thing I love about this time of year?  Seasonal beers.  Currently, I'm enjoying the quite delicious Jubelale from Deschutes Brewery in Oregon.  It's supposed to have wonderful undertones of chicory.  All I taste is wonderful strong ale, full bodied and warm, but not filling.  God bless you, brewmasters.

If you're interested in finding some nationally distributed winter seasonals, might I recommend 2Below from the New Belgium brewery, Celebration from Sierra Nevada brewery, and if you can't find anything else, Sam Adams makes a passable Winter Lager.  I strongly recommend ales if you are going for a winter beer, or a porter.  I feel that even when it's a little warmer like it is here, nothing warms the body and soul quite the same way.  Do your best to find a local brewery that makes a seasonal.  Here we have San Tan Brewery that makes a great Winter Warmer, as well as Four Peaks Brewery that has a different seasonal every season (durf!).  Support your local brewers, they are doing God's work.  If you don't believe that, ask the Trappist Monks.

These guys believe God knows how to party.

Happy Holidays

Hey mofos I just wanted to give you a quick little something to get you through the holiday season.  Chanukah or Hannukah is behind us, and Christmas is fast approaching.  Please enjoy an awesome cover of an under appreciated Christmas song stateside.  For all you lovable limeys, sorry if this is old hat, but maybe the Kate Nash version will get you by.  I give you:  Merry Xmas Everybody originally by Slade, performed by Kate Nash
http://www.avclub.com/articles/kate-nash-covers-merry-xmas-everybody,48678/#

Also, if you want something a little more acoustic-ey try this version by Brendan Benson
http://www.avclub.com/articles/brendan-benson-covers-merry-xmas-everybody,48359/#

Sorry I couldn't embed them, stupid AV Club embed link didn't work.  A real blog entry will be coming shortly, but in the mean time enjoy the music and shut the hell up.

Happy Thanksgiving, and Last Chance to Tell Cancer to Suck It.

Happy Thanksgiving!  Know what I'm thankful for? Not having prostate cancer. Let's get some more donations so even more guys can be thankful for that next year.  So we are in the last couple of days of Movember and my donation count is still sitting at a respectable $110.  That's a really solid number, but it's not enough to end prostate cancer.  Donate here: http://us.movember.com/mospace/1020992/ you can donate as little as $2 and every little bit helps.  In the mean time, ladies bug your guys to get checked.  Guys, go to the doctor and get checked if you're over 35 and feel your nuts.

If they look or feel like this, go see a urologist immediately.

So help the cause, donate a little and help a lot.  Here's an update picture so you can tremble while beholding the awesomeness of my 'stache.  Enjoy!

I know what you're thinking, Freddy Mercury is dead.  That's me up there!

Back to Thanksgiving.  I've always enjoyed holidays for the gluttony associated with them.  Memorial day has the BBQ and grilling, same with Independence Day, Labor Day and pretty much any summer holiday.  It's always a good time, you eat a few too many hot dogs and burgers and you're on your way.  The only problem with summer holidays is it's all the same.  The only holiday that has any special food dedicated to it is Independence day, and it's not much different except the dessert.  But Thanksgiving.

Best Thanksgiving picture ever.

Ah, the turkey, the stuffing, the cranberries.  The whole meal is built around stuff you only eat once a year.  Who gets a craving for green bean casserole other than around the holidays?  Who the hell takes the time to roast a turkey more than once a year?  I made a small 11 pounder this year and it took like 3 1/2 hours.  I don't have time to do that shit more than once a year.

Delicious, but time consuming

My main complaint with the Thanksgiving holiday is all the bullshit about Black Friday and shopping and all that nonsense.

10% off? I'm fucking there!

Do people really get that excited over these discounts?  Do they even understand what value their time has?  Although if they can wait in line for days on end, maybe their time is worthless.  It's no surprise to anyone that knows me that I used to work retail.  It was pretty damn crazy 2 years ago when I did it and it's only gotten worse.  I used to have to go in at 5am on black Friday to be open by 6 and now pretty much all malls open at midnight.  It's gotten so out of hand that this year I heard about Sears opening on Thanksgiving day for a few hours in a bunch of locations.

Where our customers are more important than our employee's home lives.

The other thing that's been pissing me off is the way the news likes to do the same damn story the Wednesday before Thanksgiving every year.  We get it, the airport is busy.  People travel.  What part of this is news?  Next thing you know, they'll be reporting to us that fish can swim and water is wet.

Holy shit! Why wasn't I made aware of this sooner?

And how about those airline peanuts?  Just in case I wasn't being enough of a hack comedian for you.  In all honesty, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving because the end of the year will be here before you know it.  This time of year always goes by incredibly fast, so remember to take a minute every now and then and think about the true meaning of the season.  Preparing for the 2012 apocalypse.  Here's a handy countdown timer!  Far be it from me to mock anyone's beliefs, but come on.  Enjoy yourself, indulge too much and have a great first week of December.  But most importantly, click the link to donate! http://us.movember.com/mospace/1020992/ Either one!  Multiple options!  You can even use PayPal if you don't trust banks!  We may not have a catchy slogan like save the tatas, and no one ever said "wow, look at the prostate on that guy" but prostate cancer should be as big an issue to men as breast cancer is to women.  I sacrificed my face to raise awareness (and to look awesome), what have you done?  The best nation in the world is urination donation. Do it here: http://us.movember.com/mospace/1020992/

Late Night Rambling

Hello insomniacs and fight fans.  As promised in my abbreviated blog post yesterday, here's my special edition of Strikeforce Challengers Week in Rage.  I guarantee nothing as this progresses, I honestly just hope that i can actually maintain both activities without completely neglecting something.

As the program kicks off, I am greeted by what will probably be the most offensive thing I will see all night, Mauro Ranallo.

where's standards and practices when you need them?

He's a very knowledgeable announcer, but the problem is, well first of all look at him.  Second of all, he is the undisputed king of puns, and I don't mean that in a good way.  I'll try to keep you in the loop of them so you can feel my pain. He's joined by fighting legend Pat Miletich.

as with most fighters, he kinda looks like a douche.

The first fight of the night features a kid whose nickname is The Pretzel.  That's officially the least intimidating nickname ever.  Hey by the way, one of the vendors at work sponsored a movie night tonight and I got to see the new Harry Potter movie on opening night for free.  Pretty sweet right?  the only problem is that the whole damn movie is basically a giant tease for what's going to be in part 2.

This was the most exciting sequence in the movie

They did a pretty good job of keeping the story moving considering this is all table setting.  If you are a newby to the Potterverse, don't bother.  You have to have a base knowledge going in or you will be hopelessly lost like a snitch on the quidditch field during a rain storm while someone casts a spell of occlusion.  Am I right?

And we're under way!  The cool thing about the Challenger series is that since the people fighting are unknown and trying to climb the ranks you get people going all out.  Except in this fight.  These guys are starting slow.  Lots of clinching and Greco Roman style pushing with very few strikes.  While we wait for the action to really pick up, can I just talk about Fox Sports?  That's a channel that acts like it wants to steal market share from ESPN by showing local sports and news that's pertinent to the region you are viewing from.  The problem is that I live in Phoenix and we have several major professional and college teams to choose from, but when I got home tonight they were showing Northern Arizona University playing Southwest College.  I didn't know either of those schools even had a basketball team, and now that I do, I'm pretty sure they're both Division 2 teams.  Did the Suns really not play tonight?

Go lumberjacks I guess

Anyway, the fight hits the ground and the guy not nicknamed the pretzel moves to north-south position and swings around for a d'arce choke.  Pretty sweet submission.

Time for a chick fight! Former Marine Liz Carmouche fighting for team Hurricane Awesome (best fight team name ever) vs. Jan Finney fighting out of, I swear I'm not making this up, Beaver Creek MMA.  You know, I love watching the women fight.  When they know what they're doing they are usually way more exciting than most other fighters because they just move forward and try to destroy the other girl.  I think a lot of it is because women have only been sanctioned to fight for a few years so the experience level is a little lower and there's a lot of excitement, just like in the early days of mens MMA.  So far, as if to contradict everything I just said, the women come out and are so far having a very technical kickboxing match.  Lots of leg kicks, Thai teep kicks, and feeling out jabs.  Great side hip toss by the former Marine.  Nice judo technique that landed her in the guard on the ground but the other girl is moving legs up trying to work a triangle choke.  Now the Marine POWERBOMBS the other girl to get out of the submission attempt and in a stunning reversal the non-Marine ends up in side control on the scramble.  Wow.  These ladies are much much better than the last fight.  Way to defy expectations ladies.  I appreciate it.

End of round one, I have this dead freaking even 10-10.  This is fun.  I don't know if anyone else will like this.  probably not.  Hey lets see what google has to say about "girl fight"

trust me these girls are better than this

So right into round 2, the Marine comes out with a flying kick and a take down and is trying to ground and pound her way to victory.  So far she is quagmired in the guard, not doing much damage.  Non Marine is really trying to work an octopus guard, but the marine stands up and is trying to work axe kicks and not let the other girl up.  Now they're back on the feet.  Wow, this fight is flying.  The Marine is looking for another judo throw.  oooh nice combo by the marine.  And again!  Really solid technique from both ladies, but now I have this fight 20-19 for The Marine at the end of 2.

Third round, pretty close fight so far.  I kinda want to address how weird and funny it is uh-oh, the Marine just got a rear mount on the other girl and is whaling on her.  Looks like this is really close to ending, AND IT'S ALL OVER!

Mauro just said she's fly like a G6.  What a douche.

Apparently she's a discontinued car

As I was saying, it's weird and funny how they have these insanely talented and strong women fighting their asses off in the ring while there are round card girls prancing around in bikinis.  It's a weird dichotomy that really shows how far women have come, and yet how far they have to go.  I don't want to get too deep into this, so I'll ask for comments.  I'm not sure what this says, what do you think it says about us as a culture?  Is it a good thing, showing that women don't have to conform to one single standard of beauty?  or is it just demonstrating how shallow we really are?

OOOHHH, this is one I've been looking for.  Waachim Spiritwolf vs. Marius Zaromskis.  I spelled both of those correctly.  These dudes love to throw lots of huge punches and try to take the other guy's head off.  Clearly Spiritwolf is a Native American, but he's also slightly retarded.  He doesn't wrap his hands underneath his gloves.  He says handwraps cause broken hands.  At least we know he's not going to be like Antonio Margarito and have plaster of Paris in his wraps.  That guys a chode.  He broke a training partner's orbital in sparring, so the way I see it having Manny Pacquiao break his orbital in the fight is just karma.

Right off the bat, Zaromskis pokes Spiritwolf right in the fucking eye.  It's a bad one.  He's actually bleeding because of a bad decision.  This sucks.  We're waiting for the ref to restart the fight, but regardless of the outcome it's going to have been a factor and that sucks.  God damn it.  He just told the doctor that he can't see and they waived off the fight.  Figures, one of the highlights for me gets wiped out on the first attack by an accidental illegal move.  What really sucks is that for both guys this was the culmination of weeks of training camp.  On top of that, there's no chance for either of these guys to get their win money on a draw, so that's money out of pocket for these dudes.  That sucks.

Moving right along, College football is sure picking up, right?  I didn't address this in my last football mention, but fuck the BCS.  How can they consistently overlook Boise State and TCU, especially in light of all the shenannigans Cam Newton was up to before he signed with Auburn?  I even like Auburn.  My grandma was an alum, and Charles Barkley was my favorite basketball player, but all things considered, you have to dock something from them if anything is found in the investigations.

God Bless you, Google image search

We're ready for the next fight.  Hopefully this one lasts longer than 6 seconds.  We've got Ovince Saint Preux vs. Antwain Britt.  Only St. Preux has an excuse for having an oddly spelled name, he's Haitian.  Britt is a knockout artist, and I know nothing about St. Preux.  So far lots of feeling out.  DAMN IT! ANOTHER FINGER IN THE EYE!

not quite this bad, but it still sucks

The good news is he's ready to fight.  The Haitian is the one who fouled and he's landing better than Britt right now.  I'm calling him the Haitian because it's easier to spell without looking.  Multitasking is hard.  The Haitian has super long arms.  y'know, i can't help but notice... uh-oh, the Haitian is destroying Britt.  He's on his back and trying to drop bombs.  Britt is doing pretty good defending, but now he's getting back mounted and the Haitian is looking for a leg submission but there's only 5 seconds left.  And that's the end of the round.  I definitely have that one 10-9 for St. Preux.

I was gonna say that Strikeforce always has the same ads on the mats.  It's good that they have consistency with their sponsors, but it sucks that they can't get anyone new.

Britt is shooting hard for a takedown and gets him on the ground and in half guard.  The Haitian went for a switch and ended up getting a stand up, but Britt is still trying to drive him into the ground and gets a takedown. Mauro just said he had it for OSP yeah you know me.  What a bastard.

Britt is controlling the ground from half guard

Like this but punchier

straight working the ground and pound.  The Haitian looks gassed.  I gotta tell you I'm loving this.  I think this is the worst blog post ever, but at the same time I may be having more fun writing it than ever. Thanks for indulging me and don't quit on me just because this is so MMA heavy.  It won't always be like this. That round was so dominated by Britt that I barely had to talk about it.  19-19 after the second.

The best thing about weighing 155lbs and not drinking during the week?  I've had 2 beers and I'm as loose as a cooked noodle.  Wait.  That doesn't even make sense.  Anywho, it's round 3 bitches!  Go time.  Britt goes for a single leg take down, moving to a double, but the Haitian forces him around and get a double of his own.  Very nice exchange.  Now the Haitian is in a full mount.  He's not doing anything, but there he is.  Oh just a reminder, I don't proofread after i'm done, so keep any mistakes to yourself.  The only thing I do before you read this is run a spell check.  Somehow, Britt got back to a full guard and is winning the round boringly.  Yawn.  Nothing happening, only a minute left.  Britt needs to move if he wants to win.  Finally the ref stands it up. 45 secs left.  Boo, the Haitian stuffs a take down and Mauro quotes Yogi Berra.  Shut up already Mauro.  You know your shit, but you need to stop trying to be funny.

Anyway, I score this 29-28 for the Haitian.  And I was right.  Winner by unanimous decision.  Even the microphone gods are trying to shut Mauro up.  He was trying to interview the winner and the mic just said "no".

Time for the MAIN EVENT of the EVENING! 3 rounds in the Strikeforce Lightweight division.  Introducing first, fighting out of San Jose, California.  Weighing in at 155 lbs, Justin "the Silverback" Wilcox!  And now making his way to the ring, fighting out of New York, New York.  Weighing in at 155 lbs, Vitor "Shaolin" Ribeiro!  Smart money on Ribeiro, even though it's his first fight in a while.  He has a ton of experience and Strikeforce wants to show off their big signing in this fight.  It doesn't always work out that way, but I wouldn't bet against him.

Wow, they just showed a crowd shot and it was like 2/3 empty.  Strikeforce cannot be happy about that.
So, pretty much just 2 minutes of feeling out.  Kinda disappointed.  Ribeiro is taking some really lazy shots.  Still nothing with 2 minutes left.  Wilcox is picking some shots, but nothing great.  1 Minute left.  finally a nice shot by Wilcox.  I gotta give that first round to Wilcox 10-9, but man what a boring round.

Round 2, more feeling out.  Ribeiro is doing a decent job counter punching right now, but still not doing any damage.  More lazy shots by Ribeiro.  The real problem is Wilcox is a wrestler.  A lazy shot won't take him down.  Sweet Jesus.  This is the problem... uh-oh, Wilcox just rocked Ribeiro and now they're back to circling.  That was exciting for about 5 seconds.  Meh.  20-18 Wilcox in a snoozer so far.  Let's hope someone turns it up in the 3rd.

Round 3, let's hope for something good.  I'm feeling bad because I might be boring you, but hey, I'm bored too.  More lazy shots for Ribeiro and picking shots from Wilcox.  I'm really disappointed by Ribeiro so far.  He's not really doing anything but taking lazy shots and flicking a jab every now and then.  Wilcox is still putting a little more together and winning the fight.

yeah, me too

Stupid overhyped main events.  1 minute left and I've been looking for good pics of yawns for a while.  Didn't miss much.  OVER I score that 30-YAWN for YAWN.

Sorry about the lame last fight.  That can happen when you're watching fights with some 2nd tier guys.  I was thoroughly impressed by the ladies fight and thoroughly disappointed by Shaolin.  Thanks for tuning in, have a great evening and until next time, keep watching the skis

Movember Update or Why I Fear SB1070

Hello all you wonderful contributors and horrendous parasites who enjoy my blog without donating to the cause.  as you can see the mustache is progressing nicely.  I've been lazy with the shaving this week so I've got a little bit of a Chicano "Dexter" going on right now.  Fortunately for the greater Phoenix area, the only thing I kill is stereotypes.

Masputo

Seriously though, there have been some awesome donations to my Movember cause.  I am utterly speechless about this amazing generosity that has put me at over $100 in donations, but cancer is an expensive bastard dedicated to consuming resources and attempting to destroy everything in it's path.  That's why I still need your help.  Anyone who hasn't donated especially, please click the link http://us.movember.com/mospace/1020992/ and donate whatever you can.  I don't care if it's a buck, every little bit helps.  Here's an unsolicited, unverified statistic I heard a while ago.  Every man, if he lives long enough,  will eventually contract prostate cancer.  Pretty lame right?  Well it's a good thing I just made that up.  But seriously, it's something like 17% of American men will contract prostate cancer, and that's damn near 1 in 5.  I don't want this to turn in to a beg letter, so I'll stop right here and just finish by saying are you watching "The Walking Dead" yet?  Because if you're not WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!

If you watched this show, you'd know what was going on and why it's fucked up.

On a completely unrelated note, it's basketball season again so you know what that means.  Greg Oden is out with a knee injury.  If you don't know who Greg Oden is, suffice to say he's the unluckiest millionaire I've ever heard of.  He was drafted #1 overall by the Portland Trailblazers a few years ago and has played a grand total of 81 games in the NBA.  A full season is 82 games.  He has had microfracture surgery on one knee, a broken patella on the other and just found out he kneeds (get it?) microfracture surgery on the same knee he just healed from a broken patella.

Pictured: millions of wasted dollars, and Greg Oden

At this point you would think that knee injuries are part of his bonus structure.  The poor bastard has worse knees than a guy who owes the mafia money and couldn't pay.  The only other time I've seen knees get that worn out in so few years was on a porn star.  Is that enough bad knee jokes yet?  One more?  If Haile Gebrselassie had knees like Greg Oden during the New York marathon, not only would he not have finished, he would have exploded.  If you didn't get that last one look it up.  I can't do all the work for you.

This is the only hint you get.

Don't feel too bad for him though, he's making more money than anyone you know.  He's basically getting paid to rehab at this point, and he's getting paid well.

Where Greg Oden sleeps

I'm gonna cut this one short because I have a plan for a special edition blog tomorrow.  I will be BUI while watching Strikeforce Challengers, enjoying a few beers and sharing my thoughts on the fights as well as previewing the upcoming UFC 123 event on Saturday.  Be ready for some poorly written, enthusiastic ranting that will probably only make sense to me, but will still be trying to hard to be funny.  I guess it won't be that different from any other blog I post.  See you tomorrow!