I hate to turn this exercise in vanity in to an even more self serving documentary of my recent running exploits, but I ran a 5k today, so let the self serve begin!
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| They have my favorite, ME! |
Today was the Skirt Chaser 5k in Tempe, and I have to say it was a pretty damn well executed race. The concept is pretty simple: women start the race 3 minutes before the men and run an out and back 5k course. At the end, there's beer. It should be fairly easy to see the appeal of this race.
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| Drink tickets are my main motivator. |
There are even more benefits if you're single. You can slap a sticker on your butt saying you're looking for a like minded individual to share in your profound dehydration. It gets even better if you're a single dude. According to the MC of the race, there were something in the neighborhood of a 2:1 ratio of ladies to men. As a married man, all that meant to me was that there were a crapload of people between me and my reward. I've only done one other 5k in all the races I've done, but this one definitely had a party atmosphere. There was a ton of people and one of the best local breweries providing libations, in addition to Chipotle providing food as one of the title sponsors. All I can say is God bless the good people at Chipotle and the work that they do.
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| Foil has never been more appealing |
Anyway, in the eloquent words of my friend Jaime, it was like Halloween, the girls used it as an excuse to dress like whores. Not all of them, but there were a good amount dressed more for the evening than the day. Not that I blame them, it was hotter than balls today. Seriously, if you were to take a measurement of average ball temperature and compare it to today, the temperature today would be equal to or greater than said average ball temperature. I tell you it was hot, (how hot was it?) It was so hot I saw a squirrel cooling his nuts in the lake.
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| HIYO |
So anyway, my usual run is about 5k as it is, so I didn't really do any additional training for this race. I knew I had the distance nailed down, so I was just going to pace. It worked pretty well except for the damn heat. Also the crowd. I'm not claiming to be super fast or anything, but I'm fast enough that I felt like I got caught behind a ton of people, particularly at the beginning when we were leaving the start line I somehow got caught behind a couple dudes pushing strollers. Much respect for trying to stay active when you're a dad and shit, but I was there to run, not chat. Anyhoo, after the race there was a pretty damn good cover band. I don't usually give any dap to cover bands because they are just playing someone else's work, but this one played a bunch of songs while I was there and they managed to sound like everyone from vintage U2 to Fallout Boy to The Strokes. They even sounded like Sublime. That's a pretty solid set.
I don't know how this happened, but I managed to turn this into a goddamn race review. I'd call this a digression, but I didn't have anything to digress from. Oh well. Anyway, I showered already, but I still smell like sunscreen. That's one thing that I'm still not sure how I feel about. I have to wear sunscreen a lot because, you know, fuck cancer, but I don't like smelling like it all the time. The worst is after a hard workout outside when you have a nice, rank sweat going. Nothing says "I just worked out" like a crotch that smells like Juarez, unless you pair that with some SPF 35.
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| Pictured: my crotch after a workout |
It's one of those weird things where all sunscreens smell like perfume, but not really. I think they're probably trying to hide the smell of all the chemicals, but guess what? You just end up with horrible, horrible chemically perfume. The best thing about sunscreen is that when you're done with the day, you feel dirtier than ever. It's almost like it traps the sweat against you AND gives you the added benefit of letting every single particle of dirt that blows your direction stick to you and make you feel like a fine grit piece of sandpaper. It's pretty gross, but you know what's even grosser? Melanoma. Yeah, it's cancer again. You know why? Cancer is a fucker. I just realized that seems to be a recurring thing in this blog. I suppose this is NOT the place to come if you are a fan of cancer. I'm sorry, but hating cancer is something I'm not going to apologize for. Wait...
