There was a man who lived with elves
and he kept them on tiny shelves
He worked them like dogs,
but they sang happy songs,
cuz they all could fellate themselves.
Wow, that's a pretty gross limerick. I guess that's what happens when you watch Ricky Gervais while you try to come up with something clever to type.
He grew a goatee so he wouldn't look so much like a lesbian.
Damn your sharp british wit. On the other hand, they did give us the best under heard Christmas song this side of the pond. My part-time limey friend assures me the below awesomely creepy video represents a true English seasonal classic. Please enjoy and remember that they might have better comedians and musicians a lot of the time, but we kicked their asses in the Revolution and bailed them out in 2 world wars.
So I guess we can consider this my pre-Christmas blog entry. I don't have a particular agenda, I suppose I'm just kinda killing time before my Christmas break. Let's talk a little bit about that for a minute, shall we? I live in Phoenix, and I've gotta just rub that in for a while.
Do you know how warm it was today, December 18th? Well over 70 degrees. I wore shorts today. I ran outside. Fan-fucking-tastic. I love winters here, especially when you hear about the Metrodome in Minnesota having it's roof collapse due to the excessive weight of this "snow" they keep talking about.
Google says this is "snow", what a weird name for a tree.
I'm busy worrying about staying hydrated and making sure I have sunscreen. Next week I will have exactly Jack Rabbit Crap to do at work. I'm reliant on my clients to have anything to do and most of my clients are taking all week off. I predict a lot of watching youtube videos and reading articles online. Ahh, that's good productivity. The good news is that I will have a half day on Thursday and I'm off all day Friday. Pretty sure I'm gonna watch tv and sleep till my brain leaks out my ears. The most difficult decision I forsee next week is figuring out what the hell I'm going to do for lunch. I've gotta tell you, I'm pretty fed up with fast food. First of all, if you've ever read Fast Food Nation you'll never want to eat a fast food burger again. Secondly, it's kinda gross even when it's pretty good. Greasy as hell, amazingly unhealthy and usually just overall disappointing. I don't expect gourmet food when I go to lunch, but dammit how many burgers can you eat? And when I take my lunch, I tend to get tired of it sooner than later. What the hell does this have to do with Christmas? I don't know. I've gotta tell you, I'm pretty tuned out right now.
Oh, here's a minor holiday miracle. My buddy in Texas sent me some candy for Christmas. He meant to send me a small sampler of gourmet chocolate bars and the company accidentally sent me $150 of gourmet fancy ass truffles that come in all sorts of crazy ass flavors. I even did the responsible thing and called the company to let them know. They basically said "our bad" and I got to keep everything and my buddy didn't get charged. Sweet, right?
Mmmm, expensive chocolate
And another thing I love about this time of year? Seasonal beers. Currently, I'm enjoying the quite delicious Jubelale from Deschutes Brewery in Oregon. It's supposed to have wonderful undertones of chicory. All I taste is wonderful strong ale, full bodied and warm, but not filling. God bless you, brewmasters.
If you're interested in finding some nationally distributed winter seasonals, might I recommend 2Below from the New Belgium brewery, Celebration from Sierra Nevada brewery, and if you can't find anything else, Sam Adams makes a passable Winter Lager. I strongly recommend ales if you are going for a winter beer, or a porter. I feel that even when it's a little warmer like it is here, nothing warms the body and soul quite the same way. Do your best to find a local brewery that makes a seasonal. Here we have San Tan Brewery that makes a great Winter Warmer, as well as Four Peaks Brewery that has a different seasonal every season (durf!). Support your local brewers, they are doing God's work. If you don't believe that, ask the Trappist Monks.
Hey mofos I just wanted to give you a quick little something to get you through the holiday season. Chanukah or Hannukah is behind us, and Christmas is fast approaching. Please enjoy an awesome cover of an under appreciated Christmas song stateside. For all you lovable limeys, sorry if this is old hat, but maybe the Kate Nash version will get you by. I give you: Merry Xmas Everybody originally by Slade, performed by Kate Nash http://www.avclub.com/articles/kate-nash-covers-merry-xmas-everybody,48678/#
Sorry I couldn't embed them, stupid AV Club embed link didn't work. A real blog entry will be coming shortly, but in the mean time enjoy the music and shut the hell up.
